Star Wars Ducks
by Giesbrecht
Summary: Take one line from Star Wars. Replace one word with the word "duck." Repeat.


  
Disclaimer: If I owned Star Wars, do you think I'd be submitting this to a fanfic site? If you want to use this, let me know. I very seriously doubt I'll turn you down. Addtions are welcome!!  
  
WARNING!! Do not read while working, driving, or operating machinery. Don't do it while you're eating, either. Computers don't take well to spewed food.  
**NOTE** I DID NOT WRITE ALL OF THESE!!!! Some of these are by me, but this was started by Mark A. Brown of RASSM (rec.arts.scifi.starwars.misc), and a few were contributed by Cheetah!, also of RASSM.   
  
THE PHANTOM DUCK:  
  
Do you hear that? That is the sound of a thousand terrible ducks coming this  
way...  
  
Ducks *will* do fine. ::waves hand::  
  
You *will* do ducks. ::waves hand::  
  
I'm not going in there with two Jedi. Send the duck.  
  
I'm not going in there with two ducks. Send the chicken.  
  
But Master Yoda said I should be mindful of the duck.  
  
Don't worry. It hasn't been our day for warm ducks.  
  
Our ducks are dying, Senator.  
  
Did you come here to free the ducks?  
  
At last we will reveal ourselves to the ducks. At last we will have our revenge.  
  
The duck is dangerous, Master. They all sense it. Why can't you?  
  
It's an invasion duck.  
  
You were right about one thing, Master. The ducks were short.  
  
Weesa give you una duck.  
  
I will not condone a course of action that will lead us to ducks.  
  
You refer to the prophecy of the duck who will bring balance to the force?  
  
Ducks have grand army. That's why you no liking us meesa thinks.  
  
The council has granted me permission to train you. You will be a duck.  
  
I was not elected to watch my ducks suffer and die while you discuss this invasion in a committee!  
  
I was not elected to watch my chickens suffer and die while you discuss this duck in a committee!  
  
I was not elected to watch my people suffer and die while you discuss this invasion in a duck!  
  
You see your Majesty, now they will elect a new duck .  
  
Chancellor Valorum is mired in baseless accusations of Duckness.  
  
Enter the ducks, the real rulers of the Senate.  
(My personal favourite. ^_^ )  
  
It is now clear to me that the duck ceases to function.  
  
This is your duck, Senator, I must return to mine.  
  
A duck are you?  
  
I shall train the duck.  
  
But you already have one Duck.  
  
That little duck is out of his mind.  
  
That little kid is out of his duck.  
  
Wipe the ducks out, all of them.  
  
Stay where you are, Ani! Stay in that duck!  
  
He can help ducks. He was meant to help ducks.  
  
He can see ducks before they happen.  
  
What's this?  
A duck.  
  
Don't center on your duck, Obi-Wan.  
  
He did it! The little duck did it!  
  
Hmph! Qui-Gon's duck, you do not need.  
  
This is Sabe, my duck.  
  
Promise me you will train the duck...  
  
Once those ducks take control of the surface, they will take control of you.  
  
I can't believe there are still ducks in the galaxy. With the Republic's anti-duck policies...  
  
Not even Yoda has a duck count that high.  
  
Why do I get the feeling we've picked up another pathetic duck?  
  
Yousa ducks gonna die?  
  
The duck was supposed to be far away, this is too close!  
  
There're so many! Do all of them have a system of ducks?  
  
A Duck Lord, here?  
  
He will find your missing duck.  
  
Tatooine is controlled by the ducks.  
  
The Ducks? They're gangsters! You can't take the queen there!  
  
You think you're some sort of duck, waving your hand around like that?  
  
You think you're some sort of Jedi, waving your duck around like that?  
  
And you, young Skywalker, we shall be watching your duck with great interest.  
  
A NEW DUCK:  
  
If this is an Ambassador ship, then ..where's.. the Duck?  
  
Governor Tarkin - I thought I recognized your fowl duck when I was brought on board.  
  
We don't serve their kind. Your ducks...they'll have to wait outside.  
  
I suggest a new strategy R2. Let the duck win.  
  
Tell Uncle Owen if he gets a protocol droid, be sure it speaks duck.  
  
If you strike me down, I will become duckier than you can imagine.  
  
Jabba doesn't need pilots who dump their ducks at the 1st sight of an Imperial Destroyer..  
  
Jabba doesn't need ducks, who drop their bills, at the 1st sight of an Imperial Destroyer...  
  
You must learn the ways of the duck if you are to come with me to Alderaan.  
  
He claims to be searching for his former Master, but I've never seen such devotion in a duck.  
  
Who is more foolish? The duck or the fool who follows him?  
  
Who is more foolish? The fool or the duck who follows him?  
  
He can't stay here forever, he's got too much of his duck in him.  
  
You don't need to see his ID. These aren't the ducks you're looking for.  
  
General Kenobi, years ago you served my father in the duck wars...  
  
I regret that I am unable to present my father's duck to you in person.  
  
You overweight glob of duck!  
  
No! Alderaan is a peaceful planet. We have no ducks!  
  
I used to bullseye ducks in my T-16 back home. They're not much bigger than two metres.  
  
Look, sir, ducks.  
  
The ducks will be with you...always.  
  
I'm Han Solo. Captain of the Millennium Duck.  
  
10,000? We could almost buy our own duck for that!  
  
If Solo's duck is as fast as he's boasting, we should be all right.  
  
That's no duck. It's a space station.  
  
That's no moon. It's a duck.  
  
You just watch yourself.. I have the Duck penalty in 12 systems..  
  
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good duck at your side.  
  
Duck Vader. Only you could be so bold.  
  
Darth Vader. Only you could be so ducky.  
  
The Duck will be with you, always.  
  
Negative, negative, we have a large duck here, now, very dangerous.  
  
Into the duck, flyboy. (or "duct")  
  
Into the garbage-chute, duck-boy!  
  
No duck is worth this!  
  
But sir - nobody worries about upsetting a duck.  
That's 'cause a duck don't pull people's arms outta their sockets.  
  
Aren't you a little short for a duck?  
  
It's Duck-etically shielded, I already checked!  
  
Something just moved past my duck!  
  
We ran into some old ducks.  
  
You came in that duck? You're braver than I thought  
  
These are the same ducks who sold us Artoo and Threepio.  
  
Only ducks are so precise.  
  
Ducks are easily startled, but they'll soon be back, in greater numbers.  
  
Where's the controls that extend the duck?  
I think I just blasted them...  
  
The last time we met, I was but the learner... NOW, I am just ducky...  
  
Come here, my little duck. Don't be afraid.  
  
17,000! Boy, those guys must really be ducky.  
  
I'd forgotton how much I hate duck travel.  
  
That's what your duck told you.  
  
You can waste time with your ducks when your chores are done.  
  
Not unless you can alter time, speed up the harvest, or teleport me off this duck.  
  
Look, Jabba, next time you want to talk to me, come and see me yourself. Don't send one of those ducks.  
  
Use the duck, Luke!  
  
Vader: The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner. Now I am the Master.  
Ben: Only a master of Ducks, Darth.  
  
But I was going to Toshi Station to pick up some power Ducks!  
  
What an incredible new Duck you've discovered!  
  
Look at the size of that Duck!  
  
I'm not such a bad Duck myself.  
  
What a hunk of Duck!  
  
Evacuate?!? In our moment of triumph?!? I think you over-estimate their ducks!  
  
Negative, the duck didn't go in, just impacted on the surface.  
  
Now lets blow this duck and go home!  
  
  
THE DUCK STRIKES BACK:  
  
A duck? I like the sound of that. I think you like me because I'm a duck...  
  
I don't know where you get your delusions, duck brain.  
  
You arrogant, half-witted, scruffy looking duck herder.  
  
Then it isn't one of those ducks.  
  
Would it help if I got out and ducked?  
  
Its not easy having a duck on your head.  
  
Its not easy having a price on your duck.  
  
Your a good duck, Solo, I hate to lose you.  
  
Then I'll see you in Duck!  
  
Stop that! My ducks are dirty.  
  
Take it easy, your Highness, no reason to get ducky.  
  
This ground sure feels strange. Doesn't feel like duck.  
  
This is no duck!  
  
Who you calling a duck?  
  
Laugh it up, duckball!  
  
Their ducks are too strong for blasters.  
  
I am C-3P0, human/duck relations...  
  
Duck accepted, Captain Needa.  
  
I want that duck, not excuses.  
  
He's as stupid as he is ducky.  
  
Good! Our first duck of the day!  
  
Ducks! You seek ducks!  
  
How you get so big, eating ducks of this kind?  
  
He's quite clever... for a duck.  
  
Two ducks against a Star Destroyer?  
  
That's it, Artoo; the Duck System.  
  
Are the ducks ready yet?  
  
That's it. The ducks are there.  
  
I feel like I could take on the whole duck myself...  
  
You truly belong here among the ducks.  
  
The negative duck has been polarized. I think we'll have to replace it.  
  
Would you like to join me for some ducks?  
  
I don't trust ducks.  
Neither do I. He is my duck.  
  
Having problems with your duck?  
  
Well your Highness, I guess this is it.  
That's right.  
Well don't get all ducky on me, your Worship.  
  
I'd just as soon kiss a duck!  
I can arrange that! You could use a good duck!  
  
You're lucky you don't duck too good.  
  
Like we're being ducked!  
  
He's not a system, he's a duck.  
  
You do have your ducks. Not many, but you do have them.  
  
Once you start down the Duck path, forever will it dominate your destiny.  
  
Duck or duck not, there is no try.  
  
Away put your duck. I mean you no harm!  
  
Ducks don't make one great.  
  
Captian Solo will not be permanently ducky.  
  
I am altering the duck. Pray I don't alter it any further.  
  
We shall rule as father and duck.  
  
Together we can end this destructive duck.  
  
Adventure. Ducks. A Jedi craves not these things.  
  
I'm not a duck.  
  
Your ducks... you will not need them.  
  
Don't give into the ducks--that leads to the dark side.  
  
My ally is the Duck, and a powerful ally it is.  
  
Then I guess you don't know everything there is to know about Ducks.  
  
You know better than to trust a strange duck!  
  
Its not my duck!  
  
This Duck is getting worse all the time!  
  
I had no duck!  
  
The first duck is away. The first duck is away.  
  
Imperial Ducks have entered the base! Imperial Ducks have- *chtck*  
  
The son of Skywalker must not become a Duck.  
  
Leia: "I love ducks.  
Han: "I know.  
  
  
RETURN OF THE DUCK  
  
You have a duck I don't understand, and could never have!  
  
The duck is strong in your family.  
  
The Force is strong in your duck.  
  
I don't think the Empire had ducks in mind when they designed her!  
  
Look at you, a duck!  
  
He's more duck now than man.  
  
Leia, do you remember your duck?  
  
Then my duck is truly dead.  
  
That duck no longer has any meaning for me.  
  
I see you have constructed your own duck.  
  
The duck hasn't driven it from you fully!  
  
Indeed you are ducky.  
  
You have a twin duck!  
  
You have duck sickness.  
  
I know that duck.  
  
You're throwing away a duck here, don't be a fool!  
  
My eyes must be getting better; instead of a big dark duck, I see a big light duck.  
  
Wonderful! We are now part of the duck!  
  
In time you shall call me duck.  
  
Because, he's got a *duck*!  
  
May the ducks be with us.  
  
I told you to wait on the command duck.  
  
My Ducks aren't picking up anything. Are you sure?  
  
Or this'll be the shortest duck of all time!  
  
General Solo, is your strike duck assembled?  
  
It is against my programming to impersonate a duck.  
  
I believe they think I am some sort of duck.  
  
Oh, I'm afraid the duck will be fully operational when your friends arrive.  
  
Threepio, tell them that if they don't do as you wish, you'll become angry and use your duck.  
  
You could tell the duck, is that who you could tell?  
  
We can't repel ducks of that magnitude!  
  
We'll last longer than we will against that duck!  
  
Strike me down with all of your duck!  
  
Your friends on the Sanctuary Duck will not survive.  
  
An entire legion of my best ducks await them.  
  
The ducks have been routed and are fleeing into the woods.  
  
This is the last duck you'll ever make!  
  
Who are you?  
A duck who loves you!  
  
Bargain rather than fight? He's no duck!  
  
A duck? Boy, I'm out of it for a little while and everyone gets delusions of duckness!  
  
Your overconfidence is your weakness!  
Your faith in your ducks is yours.  
  
Not bad for a little duck ball.  
  
Then we'll do it real ducklike.  
  
Back duck, huh?  
  
Its not like that at all. He's my duck.  
  
I felt his duck.  
  
The duck's coming here?  
  
The duck is not as forgiving as I am.  
  
This duck will be completed on schedule!  
  
I believe he's gone off and done something... rather ducky!  
  
Hurry! The duck should be here anytime now!  
  
I suppose I could duck-wire this thing.  
  
If he can feel your duck, then leave this place!  
  
It's a duck!  
  
You were right about me, Luke... Tell your duck you were right...  
  
Han will have that duck down, we've gotta give him more time!  
  
I can't kill my own duck!  
  
Then the duck has already won.  
  
What? But how can they be ducking us if they don't know... that we're quacking!  
  
As a token of my goodwill I present to you a gift - these two ducks.  
  
I was amazed how strongly the ducks were with him.  
  
I took it upon myself to train him as a duck.  
  
Duck? Duck? Where?!  
  
All ducks pull up!  
  
There... is... another... duck...  
  
Oh, I'm afraid the duck will be fully operational when your friends arrive...  
  
Now... Witness the power of this armed and fully operational Duck!  
  
Good! Good! Now, release your duck!  
  
I am a duck, like my father before me.  



End file.
